November 9, 2008 - "The Family Cloister"

Crescent Hill Baptist Church
Louisville, Kentucky
Children’s Sabbath
Pentecost 26
November 9, 2008
W. Gregory Pope

SERIES: The New Monasticism
THE FAMILY CLOISTER

Joshua 24:1-3a, 14-25; Psalm 78:1-7;
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18; Matthew 25:1-13


Adult Moment: The Family Cloister (I)

I want to ask everyone who has a child under 18 living in their home - parents, grandparent, aunt, uncle, guardian - to come down to the front for an “adult moment.”

We have spent this Fall looking at monastic spirituality as a model for our own spirituality and our life together as a congregation.

This morning I want us to think about our homes as monasteries, as family cloisters, places that nurture us as persons. One woman recently published a book entitled My Monastery is a Minivan because that’s where she spends most of her time with her kids running them from one place to another. And when she stopped to think about it, she realized some holy things happened even in her minivan.

Sometimes we may feel as if we are trapped in a cloister like a minivan or even our homes. We have duties and people we cannot escape. But I want us to take a moment together and think about how we can make our homes healthy places of growth and love for ourselves and our children. I also have a handout to give you that you can read and use as a guide. And a little later, I’m going to be talking to your kids about what they can do to help.

The Kentucky monk Thomas Merton said we are all beginners at prayer. Always we begin again. Today I want to give you that gift as parents.


No matter how old our children are, most of us look back at mistakes we’ve made and wish we could do some things over. I don’t know that any of us would want to start parenting over completely, but all of us I think would like a few do-overs. But parenting is on-the-job training.

And this morning I want you to give yourself permission to receive a fresh start, especially when it comes to some spiritual practices within your home. Your kids might think it’s a little weird. It may even seem odd to you. But if as a congregation we could support one another in making our homes a place of spiritual formation, I think we would be more satisfied with our task as parents.

Our scripture lesson this morning from the psalms commands us to teach our children the ways of God, to tell them what God has done in our lives. And they are to teach their children. The psalmist says that the purpose in teaching our children God’s commandments is so they will set their hope in God.

It can be hard to be a kid. And as you know, some things get even harder as you become an adult. It can be easy to lose hope.

(Give handout)

This handout that I’m giving you is based on a book by David Robinson, an Oregon pastor, entitled The Family Cloister: Benedictine Wisdom for the Home. Just as I have been taking The Rule of Benedict and seeking to apply it to our life as a church, Robinson has taken Benedict’s Rule and sought to apply it to the home.

I ask that you as parents talk about this together and then with your children, and perhaps even create a Rule of Life for your family.

I have been the abbot this Fall. The abbot is a symbol of Christ in a monastery. In the home you are the abbot. You represent Christ to your children.

Benedict instructs abbots to point out to the monks all that is good and holy more by example than by words.

There is no “do as I say not as I do.” But rather we say to our children, “Live as I live and learn from my mistakes.”

I encourage you Tuesday through Friday to use the daily Bible readings that follow the lectionary, the texts we will be using in worship that week. (Give them a copy). And then on Monday, talk about the previous Sunday.

And to those of you adults who do not have children living in your house, you can help in this place, in this larger family of God, teaching children in Sunday School, or loving them in the way that you talk to them, or supporting our ministries to children as you give.

Let us all take seriously scripture’s call to teach our children the ways of God.

Let’s pray.

(Pray for our children. Pray for ourselves as parents.)


Sermon for Children: The Family Cloister (II)

How many of you kids think your parents could use some help in how to be a parent? Anybody here got perfect parents? (No, there are no perfect parents. Only God is the perfect parent of us all.)

All parents need help. I’m a parent and I know I could use some help.

When we had our “adult moment” a few minutes ago I gave them some information with ideas about how they could become better parents.

Right now I want to talk with you about what you can do to help make your parents better parents, and what you can do to make your home a better place.

Anybody here feel that it’s tough to be a kid - to obey your parents, get good grades in school, clean up your room, doing chores? It is hard some times.

But I’ve been a kid (I still act like one at times) and I’m a parent right now of three children, and I can tell you that being a parent is much harder than being a kid. It really is.

That’s why I’ve given your parents some information that I hope they will choose to share with you.

What I want to ask you to do is take what they say seriously and to offer your ideas as to what can make you a better family.

Think about what you can be responsible for in your home that would help.

Let’s say for example, you’re 15 or 11, and your parents have gone crazy and now a 3-year-old lives in your house. They may need your help parenting the 3-year-old or doing things they don’t have time to do.

Or your parents may need to help take care of their parents, and you can help by doing things around the house.

It takes everybody in the family to make a house a loving home.

Your parents have a huge responsibility to take care of you. They are responsible to God for what they teach you and how they live before you. And all parents make mistakes. And this morning I’ve cut them some slack and given myself some slack, because God cuts us all some slack - it’s called grace. God forgives our mistakes, those things we have failed to do as parents and as children, and gives us a fresh start.

And this morning I want all of our families to have a fresh start. In some ways to begin again. And I want you to listen well to your parents, and I want your parents to listen to you, as each person in your family talks about how to make your family better.

Would you promise to do that for me? All right. Let’s pray.

(Pray for our parents. Pray for ourselves as children.)


Handout to Parents

Based on the book by David Robinson,
The Family Cloister: Benedictine Wisdom for the Home

FAMILY SPIRITUALITY

The family as the primary place for the shaping of a child - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

We are sometimes tempted to leave all spiritual formation to the church.

But I want to encourage you as parents to take on some of that responsibility yourself.

As parents we are called to guide their spiritual development.

Ask yourself:

What kind of person do I want my child to become? And what am I doing to help shape that kind of person?

Am I teaching them they can have whatever they want? Or that there are limits?

Is their money/allowance for them to spend however they want? Or should we provide guidance and limitations on what they buy?

How are we embodying the simplicity of Jesus?

A good place to start with the answer as to what kind of person you want your child to become is found in Galatians 5 and the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control. And seek to teach them and guide them in those ways, allowing the Spirit to nurture those things in our children. And it begins by embodying them ourselves.

Teach them Benedict’s ladder of humility we talked about a few weeks ago (September 28 sermon. There are copies in the office and the narthex and online.)

Read the Bible daily together. Tuesdays through Fridays you may want to use the lectionary texts we will be using in worship that week. And then on Mondays talk about what they heard at church the previous day.


FAMILY DISCIPLINE

Every family needs rules and guidelines, knowing what is expected of them.

When we ignore the mistakes and poor choices of our children we are like a gardener ignoring weeds in the garden.

Work on a set of guidelines for your family. This could be something you could sit down together and work out. As a monastery has a Rule of Life, so could our families.

Work on ways to share responsibility in your home.

Limit time on phone, TV, computer, ipod for children and parents.


FAMILY HEALTH

It matters how we treat our bodies.
Pay attention to your diet and eat well.
Exercise as a family if possible.


FAMILY LIFE TOGETHER

Have a family schedule
Do stuff together
Play together
Talking about your life together, even your finances and your budget


FAMILY HOSPITALITY

Shape the home as a hospitable place for each other

Shape the home as a place of hospitality for others, making others (strangers, those in need) welcome in your home.

Make your home a welcome place for those children and parents whose families are broken.


FAMILY GROWTH

Understanding the home as a place of spiritual formation.
Are we growing more Christlike in our home?
Learn to confess to one another and to forgive one another.
Are we growing in our service and love to one another?
What can we do in our families to grow stronger and healthier?


Make some commitments as a family in all these areas.